WTF, DNF
So… yeah… Duke Nukem Forever eh? What a trip huh? I mean, for all intents and purposes it seems Gearbox has just gone and started making their version of a Duke Nukem game. It’s unclear whether any of 3D Realms’ 13 years of fuckery is being put to any use. Their only contribution may end up being the title and the backstory, and what a story it is. The game was first announced in spring of 1997 and we’ve seen little of what was actually done between then and now. What we do have is years and years of jokes at the game’s expense which stopped being funny last millennium. It’s a shoe-in for vaporware awards to the point that people just started naming the category after it. Duke Nukem Forever is a subject that has been beaten to death in any context, and yet here we are again.
It’s the strangest thing. Here’s this game that has been a joke for the last decade because its developer blew millions of dollars and trillions of their employees’ precious minutes on this earth with absolutely nothing to show for it. How hard could it have been to make a Duke Nukem sequel in the first place? Serious Sam shits these things out every couple years, and Gearbox already has a playable demo. How George Broussard can even walk two feet at PAX without being spit on is beyond me. The project died a deserved death when 3D Realms’ inhumanly patient investors finally realize they’ve been throwing money into a bottomless hole. At this point the game isn’t even a joke anymore, at least not a decent one, it’s just a sad story of a company that’s been jacking off for the last decade without even a fistful of sticky stuff to show for it.
What was even so hard about making this thing in the first place. It’s not supposed to be a serious game. It’s not supposed to be an artistic statement. It’s not even supposed to innovate in any way. It’s just a guy running around shooting shit in the most over-the-top way imaginable. There’s no good reason 3D Realms should have been aiming high enough to paralyze themselves creatively like they did. They are fuck-ups of the highest degree and should have been punished for it long ago. Nothing they ever say or do again should be taken seriously. They do not deserve your pity.
So, by now Duke Nukem Forever has transitioned from parody of a genre to parody of long development cycles to a community in-joke to a parody of community in-jokes to a parody of itself. It’s reached the pop culture equivalent of nirvana. It’s an amazing example of a joke that has completely twisted itself inside-out. Its revived existence is evidence that the universe is not a rational place. If Gearbox actually does get this thing out it doesn’t matter if it’s good, it doesn’t matter if it’s bad. It doesn’t even matter that it is. It exists on an unoccupied level of the pop culture stratosphere sitting upon layers and layers of irony. It is post-post-postmodern.
I can never play it. I think my head would explode.
About the Author
Zack Rovinsky
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