Why it sucks to suck at Fighting Games

I’ll be blunt. I am terrible at fighting games. Absolutely terrible. Human opponent or computer, it doesn’t matter. I get my ass handed to me almost every time. Mortal Kombat, Street Fighter, Soul Calibur, Tekken, Guilty Gear, etc; the game doesn’t matter. I will lose no matter what. I’ve come to terms with this, but not everyone is self-aware enough to realize they suck at fighting games. I know I am not the only one: there is a whole army of gamers who secretly get their ass kicked everytime they load up a fight game. Here are just some of our many problems:

Blocking? What’s that?

Do you remember your first fighting game? How bad you were at figuring out which button did what, and when to use them? How about blocking? Did you pick it up right away, or did you have a habit of walking directly into a punch like a lemming diving off a cliff?

Some folks just do not grasp certain concepts, and the idea of blocking in a fighting game is one of them. They may not know they even can block, or the button is simply there for decoration. Maybe they’re so overconfident that they don’t think they need it, or they assume their opponent is so terrible they won’t be playing long enough to block.

I have a problem (okay, multiple problems, but this is a big one), and that is my inability to block. Unless backing away from my opponent lets me block automatically, I almost never do it. Or I have the opposite problem, and overcompensate by blocking all the time. Like, ALL the time. Either I charge headlong into whatever damage is coming my way, or I turtle like an abused pet.

Stupid Forward, Down, Down-Forward

Do some fighting moves just make no sense for the motions assigned to them? Does the default button setting just make zero sense to you? Do you lack a certain amount of move set logic?

Controlling a fighting game can be an ordeal for some people like myself. We don’t understand which button presses correspond to which moves, or they’re new to games and don’t understand that the controller affects what’s happening on screen. Maybe we have diminished hand-eye coordination, or are just slow at processing what’s happening to their fighter on the screen.

Occasionally, I have some difficulty with the controls. By occasionally, I mean often. First example would be what most folks would call Ryu’s Dragon Punch move. Forward, Down, Down-Forward, and a some flavor of punch. I can’t land this move. Ever. I somehow fuck it up, try to correct, and wind up throwing a fireball. Every damn time. Moves that require going from one end of the controller to the other (and sometimes back again) also trip me up. I don’t know how I’ve made it this long without choking on my own tongue, quite frankly.

Brain Hiccups

Ever completely lost track of what you were doing, only for your opponent to swoop in and knock you across the screen? Completely blank on how you’re supposed to do your next move? Just zombie out only to realize halfway through your life bar that you’re losing?

Focus while in the middle of a pixel-y fight is also not one of my strong suits. I forget what I’m doing, which button does what, and occasionally even which character I am. I don’t know what is it about fighting games that derail my train of thought, but it happens all the time.

Style Over Substance

You pick the cool looking character? The one that is most aesthetically pleasing to you? The one with the flashiest outfit? Maybe the one who looks like one of your favorite celebrities? How about the one who looks the most badass? Do you know all this and keep choosing that character anyway?

Instead of picking a character that suits their play style, or choosing a character that would let them win, some players will choose a character that they just think is cool. Or one that’s a total joke. Or even one that they think will embarrass the hell out of their opponents once they win. Or they’ll choose the same character over and over and over when given the chance to pick from a roster of numerous characters that might be better for them. Stubbornness? Stupidity? Complete ignorance? We’ll never know. They might not know themselves.

I have a habit of choosing characters according to how stylish they are. Rose? I respect a woman that fights in heels, and that dress is fierce. Johnny Cage? Well, I like the shades, and he’s just hot. Morrigan? My favorite combination of evil and fabulous. Not to say that any of these are bad character choices, but how good they are has nothing to do with my selection.

No More Competitive Spirit

You actually want to win, right? You wanna whoop the other guy so bad he’ll twitch the next time you challenge him to a game? Rather chew off your own arm than let that guy beat you at anything?

I flat out do not care if I win or not. This may actually be the root cause of all my other problems, but I could really give two shits about who wins if I’m fighting against an actual person. The computer can die a fiery death, but my friend there? Yeah, he can win. Whatever. I just don’t care about the outcome of a digital brawl against an actual person. Hell, I’ll lose on purpose if I think it’ll be more fun. After all those years of completely sucking at fighting games, apathy has set it. It has gotten to the point where I just don’t give a shit. So what’s everyone else’s excuse for being terrible?

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