There used to be a time when Pokemon designs weren’t mocked for how spoon-in-ear retarded they were.  Instead, they were viewed as paradigms for creatures designed for children. Other companies yearned for HAL Laboratory’s ability to so easily brainwash the minds of children with their Pokemon designs.  There were really cool looking Pokemon for boys (Charizard, Blastoise, Mewtwo, Charizard again) and there were cutesy ultra-marketable ones that appealed to girls (Pikachu, Jigglypuff, Charmander). Sure, there were some duds (fucking Bellsprout) but overall, the original set of Pokemon was a perfect model for the destruction of the modern child’s spare time.

But with each new generation of Pokemon, the ingenuity of the first 150 sharply disappeared, leaving us with 493 monsters consisting mostly of retarded brain farts. Nintendo lost their touch a long time ago, and some of the new Pokemon’s designs are so laughably terrible that you begin to wonder just how human beings could come up with something so stupid. By the looks of the next generation, which includes the likes of a fire pig and a water weasel, the Pokemon franchise is on a path of further retardation.

So, without further hold up, here are the the ten dumbest-looking Pokemon (so far).

10. Tangela

If I had to pick one Pokemon from the franchise’s first generation to be used as evidence for Pokemon’s future decline in creativity, Tangela would be my choice.  Apparently someone at Nintendo threw up in a bowl of Spaghetti and decided to greenlight the finished product into their potential multi-billion dollar franchise. Hell, a child could draw this crap.  All you have to do is take a blue hoseline and tangle it into a ball to get a Tangela.

9. Drifblim

Here’s Drifblim: the hot air balloon Pokemon. Drifblim consists of four arms, a cloud toupee, an X for a mouth, and a body that is literally a balloon.  I’ve smoked some really great stuff in my lifetime, but whatever the creators of Drifblim have been lacing their blunts with has been evading me.

8. Wormadam

Now just what the fuck is this exactly?  I’ve been staring at this Pokemon for over an hour now and I still have no clue. Is it some kind of demented leaf Pokemon or is it a worm hiding in a leaf? Or is that possibly a squirrel? If it’s impossible to discern just what the fuck something is after analyzing it for over an hour, then it probably shouldn’t have escaped the blueprint stages of production. Or maybe it just shouldn’t have been drawn at all.

7. Unown

Lead Designer of HAL Laboratory: You know fellas, we have really been running out of ideas lately. I’ve given up on my mattress Pokemon models and I was wondering what you guys have to pitch to me this week. Got anything?

Baked Out Designer 1: The electric keyboard Pokemon!

Baked Out Designer 2: A shovel and pail Pokemon!

Baked Out Designer 3: Another Charizard!

Baked Out Designer 4: Uh… uh …the letter A pokemon?

Lead Designer at HAL Laboratory: The letter A you say? Hmm. That’s good. That’s damn good my friend. Not as good as this joint, but damn good nonetheless. How many models of this can you get me by the end of the week?

Baked Out Designer 3: Uh … 26?

Lead Designer at HAL Laboratory: Simply fantastic. Extra rations for you this week.

6. Wobbuffet

Wobbuffet is the blob Pokemon. There is not much more to him than that. In fact, that’s all he is: a blue blob. A blind man with no limbs can design something better for kids than a fucking Wobbuffet.

5. Claydol

(after seeing the original draft of Claydol)

Lead Designer at HAL: You know what fellas, I like it. I really like it. I want to do the whole Kama Sutra with it. But it’s missing something. I don’t know what exactly, but this has no pizaz without it, no pop. It needs more of a particular something. How about more … more … eyes! Yes, perfect!  I’m on fire today baby!

4. Spiritomb

Oh no! Don’t look children! Someone defecated on Haunter’s face!

3. Jynx

Jynx tips, flips, and then pummels the creep scale with her weirdness. The design process for Jynx obviously followed the old adage that if all else fails, you can always rely on a prostitute to come through. Jynx is the Drag Queen Pokemon. She’s covered in blackface, wears a blonde wig, and wears a dress stripped from a Party City for mental patients. And her type is Ice. Because by that point in the design process, sense was no longer considered.

2. Ludicolo

Pokedex: Ludicolo. The sombrero wearing party duck Pokemon. Ludicolo is best known for passing out at 4 PM and hanging out on street corners looking for small jobs. Watch out for his devastating Enchilada Slap and Dos Equis Bottle Toss. Best served confit style.

Yeah. This is worst possible way to draw in a Latin demographic.

1. Probopass

No words needed. Just take in the majesty that is Probopass. Savor it.

This post was made in honor of Girafarig, Pokemon’s original “WTF Pokemon” which was too awesomely retarded to include in this list.

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***For more Nintendo rants, musings, and lists, check back every Monday for another edition of The Nintendo Dude.***