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Eight Pokemon revelations you may have never noticed

By Steve Bogda
-August 16, 2010

Outside of Disney World and the flashback-inducing Boomerang Channel (Boomerang has been playing Dexter’s Laboratory for a while now. Yeah, Dexter’s frickin’ Laboratory is considered a “classic.” Feel old?), nothing tops the Pokemon franchise in the nostalgia factor. For the most part, Pokemon has blocked out any recollection of my first through fourth grade experiences. Instead of schoolyard games and book reports, all I see are Rattatas and Pidgeottos.

Back in the late nineties, kids like me were so fiendishly obsessed with Pokemon, that we just assume that we should know everything there is to know about the franchise. It’s only when you take a retrospective look as an adult that you begin to pick up little details that the games, cartoons, and cards sneakily revealed. Pokemon has a lot of excess baggage and weird little easter eggs that you all probably missed out on. Without further hold up, I present merely some of Pokemon’s many secrets.

WARNING: This article may cause your head to explode. If you’re not into that sort of thing, maybe you should skip this one.

Humans in the Pokemon world eat Pokemon

Gamers always joke about how funny it would be if the civilians of Kanto, Johto, Hoenn and Sinnoh ate Pokemon for their nutritional needs. Well let me enlighten you: there is no “if.” Humans devour the crap out of Pokemon.

The first direct reference to a Pokemeal came out of Gold and Silver. When you first encounter Team Rocket, they are attempting to steal a bunch of Slowpoke from a Slowpoke well, all in hopes to snag some precious SlowpokeTail.

Now, you didn’t think they were slicing off the tails of Slowpoke for fun, right? Hell no. There is a demand for dead Slowpoke, and it’s not to showcase them in a museum or for them to become stuffed toys. It’s because they’re fucking delicious.

See, SlowpokeTail is considered a delicacy in Johto. Therefore, if Slowpoke is a delicacy, then there are other Pokemon that are considered everyday fodder. And you thought it sucked to be a Miltank five seconds ago? Even before that, the Red & Blue Pokedex describes Farfetch’d as an endangered species due to how great he tastes with some gravy and stuffing.

The games aren’t the only ones to reference the possibility of Psyduck Confit or Magikarp Rolls: the anime show is filled with images of meat, fish, and dairy. It’s never clarified where all this food comes from, but since the only animals ever seen are Pokemon, it’s not that hard to guess their origins. Come on, don’t act like this doesn’t look mouth-watering:

Spicy chicken, anyone? But it’s not like Pokemon are necessarily immune to eating each other. After all, does Aerodactyl look like he’s going to be eating a salad for dinner tonight?

Scyther was too awesome to evolve properly

Game Freak immediately saw the immensely positive reception to Scyther’s existence, and decided to give the mean-green-slicing-machine one of the first added evolutions. But there was a problem in the plan: Scyther was too much of a dick-strangling beast to design a proper evolution for.

The basic principle of a Pokemon evolution is that a Pokemon’s base stats should increase once evolved. But Scyther was already at a whopping 500 base stat total, meaning Scizor would be a borderline legendary Pokemon if its base stats were any higher. So GameFreak kept Scizor’s stats at 500, and with respect to Scyther, lowered his speed significantly and raised his attack and defense moderately. But as a wise man once said, defense is for pussies.

So, the story ends where it began: don’t fuck with Scyther.

Venonat has a dirty little secret

Those bricks you are suddenly sitting on didn’t get there themselves.

The similarities between Venonat and Butterfree go beyond their similar color pallets and big red eyes. They both have similar antennas, two three-edged hands, and similar mouths as well. Meanwhile, Venomoth’s head looks a lot like Metapod’s, and has four arms like Caterpie. All this leads to the conclusion that Nintendo reversed the two’s evolutionary path at the last moment.

But why? Well, the most common answer goes back to the anime. Remember: the Pokemon games, shows, and trading cards were all planned out in conjunction. The show’s creators wanted Ash’s second Pokemon to be Caterpie, but they felt they could do little with Venomoth as Caterpie’s eventual evolution. Butterfree on the other hand had some big baby eyes, and would be easier for children to attach to. It seemed they made the right choice. Kids loved themselves some Butterfree, and the Pokemon became the star of one of the saddest scenes in television history:

Okay, maybe not the saddest in television history … but that montage is priceless.

Cubone is one depressed little fella’


The story of Cubone is not a happy one (not like you should be expecting one from a skull-wearing dinosaur). Firstly, that skull is not their for decoration. The skull is the remains of a Cubone’s dead Marowak mother, which Cubone wears to hide its true face. Due to its lack of a mother figure, Cubone cries constantly, mourning the loss by bawling 24/7. This is especially true on nights with a full moon, when Cubone cries the loudest. Why, you ask? He thinks the shiny face of the moon resembles that of his mother.

Now, on a count of three: 1… 2 … 3 … awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

Or he’s just crying because he might be a baby Kangaskhan, and if there’s one thing I know, baby Kangaskhan grow up to be some ugly motherfuckers:

Arcanine was originally supposed to be a legendary

When it comes to Pokemon badassery, it doesn’t get much more badass than Arcanine. Let’s be honest, just look at this sausage frier:

Look how nonchalant he is. He knows he’s the hottest thing since the sun, and he isn’t taking shit from nobody. Well, except GameFreak developers.

You see, Arcanine was supposed to be a Legendary Pokemon. In fact, the Pokedex even goes as far to call it a Legendary Pokemon. When the first legendary trio was originally crafted, it was decided that Articuno, Zapdos, and Arcanine would be the three to represent ice, lightning, and fire (none of the three were given names by that point). Nintendo feared the idea of confusing gamers with two birds and one cunt-destroyer, so they decided to replace Arcanine with another bird. Therefore, Moltres became a part of the first legendary trio, and Arcanine became one of the strongest non-legendary Pokemon of the first generation.

A legendary Arcanine is further clarified in the anime, in which Arcanine is seen standing beside the three legendary birds on a tablet.

Portmanteaus galore!

The original 151 Pokemon were awesome for so many reasons. However, it’s the origins of the names that are the most interesting to me. Here are just a couple:

Charizard: Char + Lizard
Oddish: Odd + Radish
Marowak: Marrow (as in bone marrow) + wWack
Hitmonlee: Hit + Mon + Bruce Lee
Hitmonchan: Hit + Mon + Jackie Chan
Kangaskhan: Gengis Khan + Kangaroo (aka, the best compound since  H2O)
Dragonite: Dragon + Knight (as in dragons fought Knights during the middle ages, get it?)
Articuno: Artic + UNO
Zapdos: Zap + DOS
Moltres: Molten + TRES
Snorlax: Snore + Relax
Aerodactyl: Aero (prefix for air) + Dactyl (suffix in pterodactyl)

Now compare that to the ingenuity that went into naming the second generation:

Bayleef: As in … a bay leaf.

Yeah … But at least they put some thought into Mareep. (Mary + sheep, and an anagram of ampere). Because if there’s one Pokemon that deserves a genius name, it’s an electric sheep.

The Pokedex is no stranger to hyperbole

The Pokedex is an instrument that is designed to tell you “all you need to know” about Pokemon in the wild. For the most part it does its job well. However, the Pokedex sometimes can’t control itself and lets loose. Let’s go over some supposedly “accurate” information given by Pokedex entries:

Charizard’s fire spin can melt any material … except Pokemon.

Machamp can throw 1,000 punches in two seconds.

If Lugia flaps its wings, it can cause a 40-day long hurricane.

Pidgeots can fly at Mach 2 speed.

Alakazam has an IQ of 5,000. In comparison, the highest human score was 228.

Someone needs to cut off the Pokedex before Exeggutor causes the apocalypse.

The world of Pokemon is not all that foreign


Everyone just assumes that all of the Pokemon regions exist in some extreme parallel universe or a distant alien planet. Well, that’s not true: the world of Pokemon exists on Earth.

We all know that the Pokemon regions are based on different areas of Japan, but Japan is not the only country referenced in Pokemon. In fact, the first reference to an Earthbound Pokemon World came out of Red and Blue. Remember that annoying Pokemon Mansion on Cinnabar Island, the one with all those weird diaries on Mew and Mewtwo? Well, they reveal that the scientists who created Mewtwo found Mew in everyone’s favorite third-world country, Guyana.

Guyana is not the only country alluded to from the Pokemon franchise. Australia, China, Antarctica, the United States, the Pacific Ocean, Hollywood, California, England, Paris, and the Minnesota Vikings were all mentioned at one point in the franchise.

Which leads us to one, single, rational conclusion … Japan IS the Pokemon World. But that’s not really a revelation, now is it:

Whatever you do, don’t stare into the Japanese Hitler’s eyes! His happiness is intoxicating!


About the Author

Steve Bogda

Steve is the primary owner of The DamnLag. He currently attends New York University, where he studies Film, History and Politics. When he is not writing about Nintendo, Steve runs the day to day operations of The DamnLag, as its Editor-in-Chief.

 
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 Comments
  • Jack G. Ninivaggi

    Ekans is snake backwards. I almost shat myself when I first realized that.

  • dasteru

    And Arbok is Kobra/cobra spelled backwards.

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  • Yamtendo

    LAWL. I was totally just thinking about the poke-steak fact the other day.

    Wanna know what’s super crazy? Female Machokes.

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  • Jon-zee

    Actually the first reference to the real world is Lt Surge being called the Lightning American.

  • guest

    agreed and does anyone remember the episode with the S.S. anne where james bought a magikarp and they fantasized about eating it

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    The slowbros dont die when you cut off their tail. It grows back according to soulsilver.

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    There are animals that are not pokemon. The random fish that were swimming in the Cerulean city gym were not pokemon.

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