Nintendo: Give us a Pokemon MMO
A decade ago, Pokemon grew to be as large of a fad as God in the United States. Spawning hordes of brainwashed children with prodigal parents, the Pokemon franchise gave Nintendo enough money to buy Liberia.
Like all American fads, our country’s obsession with Pokemon eventually blew over as soon as the franchise began to falter. Hundreds of poorly designed Pokemon supplemented the games’ libraries, with some having faces on their asses while others could be kidly described as “pools of buffalo shit.” The anime show lost its stature, and the value of the elusive holographic Charizard card didn’t skyrocket as everyone initially believed it would. While Pokemon still sells faster than water in Japan, Pokemon’s presence in the Western world seems lacking. But there’s a way to change that all of that. It’s a path that doesn’t include a new set of color-themed games, or a new live-action movie filmed in migraine-inducing 3D.
Nintendo needs to give the world what it has wanted since Pokemon lost its relevance: a Pokemon MMORPG.
Why it has to happen
Every gamer knows that one douchebag in every school, college, or group that is “too mature” to play Pokemon. He won’t hesitate to call you out for it, or try to embarrass you:
“Are you kidding? Is that Pokemon Heart Gold on your DS? *chuckles* Do you also watch Barney the Dinosaur? Right, guys? Right? *goes for high-five*”
But afterward, that aforementioned douche is going to run home and spend three hours on Bulbapedia trying to figure out how to get his Ivysaur to increase his special attack before it evolves. How do I know? Because everyone loves the Pokemon games (especially those who act like they are “too cool” to play them). The games are simple enough for a five year old to grasp, but complex enough that a series of textbooks could be written about them. They are well designed RPGs with unlimited replay value (and only a complete toolbag wouldn’t admit how great the are). Everyone loves Pokemon, but so many people are too damn afraid to admit it because liking Pokemon is considered socially unacceptable. Like anyone should give a crap about acceptance in a society that worships people named Justin Bieber and JWOW.
That’s the main reason why we need a Pokemon MMO. Pokemon Online will be able to anonymously unite millions of conceited gamers who are to scared to admit they have caught all 496 Pokemon. The game will be able to unite the Pokedorks who wear Gengar T-shirts, the open Nintendo fans like myself, and the high school conceited douchebags without ever revealing a single identity.
It’s been long rumored that Nintendo is planning a major redesign/re-everything for their terrible online service. Nintendo has finally come out and admitted their Wi-Fi based service is as functional as a track star with no legs. Pokemon Online would be the ultimate killer app for Nintendo’s newly refurbished online interface. Is there anything in the same stratosphere in that regard? The only thing that comes close is a Mario first-person shooter (but only because it would be hysterical, not for any legitimate reasons).
Why it would be great
The idea of traveling across 3D versions of the Pokemon regions with millions of other players shouldn’t need explanation on why it would be great. But how Pokemon online would work is a topic worth exploring.
Rather than simply catching Pokemon in grass randomly, Pokemon would be able to live and breathe in a real time environment. The sidequests and dungeon raiding that riddles current MMOs would be replaced with dungeons consisting of rare and legendary Pokemon, with Team Rocket-based sidequests coming and going as the game’s developers please. Since Pokemon has always been about competing by yourself, there would be no need to work with other players except when having to trade, breed, or battle them.
Once you’re done catching and training your Pokemon (Pokemon Online would include no CPU trainers except for gyms. The only way to level up would be to battle real life opponents) you can begin taking down the game’s gym leaders. The more gyms you beat, the more tournaments you can play in. Beat all eight gyms in Kanto? You can join the Indigo Tournament against thousands of players. Conquer Johto? Go to the slightly more competitive Silver League. Pokemon Masters come and go, with Leaderboards and Tournaments being the centerpiece of the game’s design. Pokemon Online would be a completely organic world, designed to change constantly as trainers come and go. What, did you just come? Don’t fear, so did I! Perhaps Nintendo could even give us some flexibility and allow us to create private tournaments and leagues as players grow in skill.
Oh, and rather than just keeping the same old turn-based style of battle, the game’s 3D battles should not only be open to spectators, but also real-time battling. Not only would realistic battles add an element of skill to the franchise, but it would also prevent players from taking advantage of the game’s turn based system.
How Nintendo could mess it up
Nintendo isn’t exactly known for their online prowess. In fact, playing Nintendo games online is about as much fun as eating dry wall. A Pokemon MMO would be a massive undertaking, one that I just can’t trust Nintendo or Game Freak to handle themselves.
That’s why they would have to outsource a third-party developer. Preferably a Western one. Bioware and Blizzard might be willing to take up this massive task, with Blizzard in particular being of interest. But hell, now I’m just dreaming.
Plus, Nintendo is not really known for doing things online that make sense (example: friend codes).
Either way, Nintendo would monetize the hell out of this if it happened. In-game ads and monthly subscriptions would most certainly come. But isn’t a few Gatorade logos and paying $8.95 every month worth it? A Pokemon MMO is just too great of an idea to pass on. Nintendo would finally have a spot on the online spectrum, hardcore gamers get a huge title that could topple World of Warcraft as the world’s most popular game, and American Pokemania makes its long awaited comeback (meaning Nintendo will make even more money than they currently do).
And if anything is worth dealing with another wave of warped, psychotic children, it would be a Pokemon MMO.
***For more Nintendo rants, musings, and listings, check back every Monday for more editions of The Nintendo Dude.***
About the Author
Steve Bogda
Steve is the primary owner of The DamnLag. He currently attends New York University, where he studies Film, History and Politics. When he is not writing about Nintendo, Steve runs the day to day operations of The DamnLag, as its Editor-in-Chief.
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