How to build the perfect platformer
I’m a fairly big fan of platformers. Okay, I love the shit out of them. There’s a part of my brain that just won’t shut up; a part that thinks it would be fun to put a platforming game together. I’m thinking of a platformer that would use pieces of all the other ones I’ve played. Characters from one, items from another, running around the setting of a third, and you get the idea. So I thought I’d pick the features I’d use from some of my favorite platformers, at the risk of accidentally writing fanfiction.
Ratchet & Clank’s Weapons
The toys. My god, the toys. If more games had even half of the fun devices the Ratchet and Clank games did, I could die a happy man. Turning enemies into animals? Check. Enough explosives to level a continent? Oh, check. Tiny robot companions willing to die for you? Got it. I’ll stop before I wind up drooling. Gadgetron, Megacorp, Grummelnet, the R&C games have some of the most creative and just plain fun toys I’ve seen in a game. It doesn’t just stop there, either. Most of these things are upgradable to bigger and badder versions after several uses. So of course I’d have to steal them. I’m…gonna need a few U-Haul trailers. You can go ahead and keep the Protopets, though. They creep me out.
Unauthorized technology and weapons of mass destruction? Check.
Sly Cooper’s Characters
There is one (okay several, but this is the one I’m stealing) things about the Sly Cooper games that I have always loved, and that’s the characters. They all have personalities more developed than those in a lot of other games. Ignoring the fact that they’re all anthropomorphic animals, I would definitely want to steal the cast. Or approximations of them. Then If I could bottle the chemistry and snappy conversation the Cooper games use, I’d be set. Bentley’s overly nerdy comments, Sly’s cocky attitude, Carmelita’s tenacity, and Murray’s loyalty. That, and I’ve always wanted to kidnap a pink hippo that can drive. Don’t judge me.
An entire zoo of characters with sharp dialog and snappy comebacks? Check.
Mega Man’s Boss Battles
Bosses and their stages in Mega Man games excel at expressing a particular theme for each one, as well as keeping those themes consistent throughout the entire level. The level is the boss, as much as the robot you fight at the end of the level. Ice Man’s slippery platforms, Quick Man’s cheap instant kill lasers, Snake Man’s twisting landscape, all of them reflect the personality of the robot at the end of the tunnel. The fight at the end is just a formality. Even the stages in the final villain’s base all follow a certain thematic guideline. So I would have to add the Mega Man bosses to my little shopping list.
A slew of boss character with stylized, distinct levels? Check.
Castlevania’s Enemies
If there is one thing Castlevania has that’s worth stealing, it’s the massive amounts of diverse enemies. Big, small, tough, wimpy; they’re all represented here. Zombies, demons, lizardmen, witches, and more are thrown at the protagonist, in wave after pixelated wave. They are enemies that fill the screen, some that are almost impossible to kill until you’ve properly prepared, and even some that don’t show up without fulfilling certain requirements. So I’ll need a line over here for undead monsters, another line for living monsters, and lines for animated objects and robots over there. Everything else goes over there.
A horde of diverse and interesting minions to throw at the antagonist? Check.
Kirby’s Accessibility
There is definitely one thing the Kirby games do very, very well: being accessible to a wide range of players. It doesn’t matter if you’ve never played a Kirby game before, picking up and playing one for the first time is extremely easy. Every Kirby game makes sure you know what you’re doing by keeping the controls exceedingly simple. The play control rarely varies from game to game, and you pretty much know what you’re getting when you press a button. You know what that adorable pink blob can do, and making him do it is easy.
Accessibility and ease of use for a wide range of players? Check.
Super Mario Anything
While I could have just as easily spent this entire column rambling on about how amazing Mario platformers are, I decided to narrow the field a bit. I’m trying to Frankenstein my own game together, here, not rip one off completely. The single thing I’d swipe from the Mario games is their ability to tie everything together. Their cohesiveness. Every Mario game pulls wildly different elements together, and somehow makes them work. Ditzy princess? Wacky power ups? Crazy turtle villains? Talking mushroom people? Faces on everything? It all works.
The capability to pull all these crazy pieces of other games together and make them work? Check.
So I’ve got a cast of characters, hordes of monsters to throw at them, a suitable array of bosses, and their designated levels. I’ve appropriated several tools and weapons for them to use, as well as cramming this all into a game that’s easy to play. Sounds simple, doesn’t it? Of course it does, I’m making stuff up. Actually making this stuff happen is a lot of work, and I won’t dispute that. When it doesn’t go right, it dies. But when it does, well, the developers get to bellow just like the good ol’ Doctor Frankenstein.
***For the most fabulous gaming column on the net, come back every Sunday for Diva Down.***
About the Author
Paul Cross
Paul graduated high school playing video games, got bored with college playing video games, and then was hopelessly sucked into retail, where he’s been trapped ever since, still playing video games. Now he writes about them, and it would best if you got out of his way.
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